So let me just start off by saying that I am NOT the best wife. As a matter of fact, no one is. Being a good (or great!) wife really depends on who your husband is. Contrary to popular belief, men ARE different. So we as wives have to be suitable for our own specific husband (which I’ll talk more about in the next post for single women). But anyway (in a general sense), I want to share some things that I believe all husbands could appreciate.
Pray for your husband. Pray for yourself as a wife. Pray for your marriage, and don’t don’t forget to pray together as a couple! If your marriage is not founded on the commandments of God and upon the Lord Jesus Christ, then your marriage is definitely going to be (and remain!) a MESS. Even if you’re of the world and you think that your marriage is successful, you are deceived. Sin (even if it’s secret) in the end leads to nothing but death and destruction.
2. Making your husband your #1 priority
This is one of the main things that I struggle with because before I got married I was a single mother. But now that I know that mothers just struggle with this in general.. There’s no excuse, we have to stop neglecting our husbands! Put your mom, your job, your friends AND THE KIDS in their place. Our husbands are suppose to come first after God even before ourselves (which leads me into the next suggestion!).
3. Being selfless
As Christians, we should be dying to ourselves in general. But regarding this post, we should be making sure that our husband’s needs are met FIRST. But some of you ain’t tryna hear that (which again, leads me into the next suggestion).
4. Serving your husband with gladness
I remember being irritated when my husband would expect me to fix his plate in addition to cooking (Don’t judge me!). But deep down it would grieve me because I know that he doesn’t mean any harm. I have a good (as in godly), hardworking man. And even if your husband isn’t, fix his plate, run his bath, rub his feet etc. This is YOUR man. You can influence him. Besides, there is another woman somewhere who wants him, and who would love to serve him. You better act like you know it!
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation—love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God].” (1 Peter 3:1-2, AMP)
5. Honoring his position and just respecting him in general!
In addition to the previous scripture, we are to submit to our husband in ALL things (except sin, don’t be ridiculous!), not just when we’re in agreement. And we should honor them because we love them, not because we feel like we have to, or because we think that we are doing God a favor.
6. Honoring YOUR marriage
I love “love”, and I am SO passionate about marriage and family. But the problem is that since I love marriage in general it’s not always personal. We have to make sure that we are honoring our specific husbands (and our specific marriage) and not just the idea of them. I hope that makes sense!
7. Being grateful and encouraging
In addition to the previous tip, just know that it makes our husbands feel really low when we are discontent and covetous.
8. Work on being a better (as in godly) wife
We’re usually focused on how our husbands could improve but the truth is that if we were better in certain areas then his flaws would probably be small things to a giant. So I encourage you to read some edifying books (or blogs!). And more importantly ask him what he needs and desires in a wife.
9. Become fluent in his “love language”.
OH MY GOSH GUYS!! This is HUGE!! I asked my husband to rate me as a wife on a scale from 1 to 10 and he rated me a 7 because I’m not that affectionate (as in clingy or touchy feely, I’ve never been.) But I thought that all those points would be for different things. I never would’ve thought that physical touch meant that much to him (it caused me 3 whole points!). So my advice to you would be to love him in ways that he feels loved, not in ways that you do or would.
10. Show interest in his interests (especially in his work!)
Your marriage is just business without friendship.
11. Being his safe place
You are not God, satan or his mama! Our jobs as wives are to be HELPERS. Allow him to make mistakes and to be a little vulnerable without your pity, criticism and/or judgment. Also, make sure that you aren’t being his source of ungodly influence by doing things like gossiping or loving the things of this world etc.
“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
12. Being gentle
Our husbands are men. And if they’re godly, they’re masculine (yes I did, pun intended.). So we really need to work on being truly feminine. God created us different for their pleasure. Our touch, our tone, our facial expressions and body language should all be soft and gentle. Yes, even the fruit of our lips should be pleasant.
“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26)
13. Being more intimate with him
Now I told you that I’m working on being more affectionate but that doesn’t mean that I’m withholding sex. There’s a difference. For instance, I may not always want to cuddle afterwards but I do want to have sex with my husband. I have no desire to withdraw myself, and neither should you. This is the enemy’s doing. God designed sex specifically for marriage. The devil has perverted it. If you’re having problems in your godly marriage I’m willing to bet that you aren’t having enough (or good enough!) sex. And by good enough, I don’t mean all of that demonic stuff you did when you were of the world. My husband and I aren’t acting like animals or perverted like homosexuals (using props or having anal and oral sex.) We make holy love before the Lord. And He blesses us with real intimacy and love for each other. This is how my husband really gets to know me. Remember, in order to effectively communicate with them we have to become fluent in their languages. And if you have any complaints, don’t nag your husband. Go and pray because your issue is really with God (He’s the one who designed our husbands to need sex in this way. By the way, I am not excusing a husband who is full of lust and lacks self control. That husband needs deliverance. I’m just speaking in a general sense.).
14. Taking care of yourself
And I’m not talking about SELF love or encouraging you to be vain. I’m just simply suggesting that you be a good steward of your temple and look presentable for your husband. We all know that men are visual so put some thought into your physical appearance. I don’t wear any make up or hair weaves so if you’re like me, you might be interested in a few of my natural beauty tips for Christian women.
Anyway, of course there is more that could be added to this list (feel free to add some suggestions in the comments!) but these are just the things that I am working on being more consistent in. Remember that being a good wife depends on what that looks like first to God and then to your own husband. So with that being said, I hope that this post has encouraged you to seek the Lord and to bless you husband 🙂