Let me just start off by saying that I am not discouraging single women from desiring marriage. I am a happily married woman, and marriage is honorable. My goal is to simply encourage my single sisters in the Lord.
Trust me, I may be a wife now but I still remember what it felt like being single, waiting for a spouse. So I just want to share a few things with you in hopes that they’ll help you focus more on the Lord (and not on yourself or on a spouse!) in this valuable season of your life.
So let’s get right into it..
Now the first reason why I believe that single Christian women shouldn’t be preparing to be wives, is because the truth is that you will never truly be prepared to be a wife.
Getting married is like having your first baby—You can read all the books, consult the most experienced mothers, child proof your home and even stock up on all the best diapers and bottles! But nothing that you do could ever prepare you for the unforeseen challenges of parenting your individual child. And it’s the same way with a spouse. You don’t know what his past held (or what his future entails!), so how can you prepare to be suitable? Being a good wife isn’t about being a “good woman” in general. It’s all about being suitable for your specific husband. And even if you are dating who you believe is going to be your husband, I can guarantee you that he is not all that God would have him to be right now. Marriage is a very humbling, refining process. So who you guys are now may not be what the other needs or will even be attracted to later! Both of you will go (or grow) through some very drastic changes (if you’re truly walking with the Lord). So the best way to prepare for anything for that matter is to receive the Holy ghost and abide in that Spirit.
(The picture on the left is from early 2016, when we first got married. The picture on the right was from a cpl weeks ago, and we’re STILL growing in the Lord!)
2. Men and marriage become idols
“For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:5)
You may not want to admit it but when we’re single we are VERY covetous. We want a man, a husband, a wedding, a “godly marriage”, a family etc. And eventually we become so consumed by those desires that we find ourselves discontent with just Jesus (we may even find ourselves jealous and hating on others!). Coveting is sin. And so is ungratefulness. Whether you ever get married or not, marriage is still beautiful and God is CERTAINLY still good.
3. Preparing to be a wife causes us to focus too much on ourselves.
When you spend your entire singleness focused on building yourself up or into something you in your own pride deems creditable or “good” you are just creating a big selfish (and haughty!) monster that will eventually have to die hard (unless it succeeds in ruining your marriage!). Marriage is all about serving, submitting, and refinement, so focusing on your SELF while you’re single (or as a follower of Jesus Christ in general!) is a BIG NO-NO. And I’m not saying that you shouldn’t learn how to cook or be responsible with finances but these are things (like abstaining from sexual immorality!) that you should be doing anyway. I am completely against feminism, but you don’t need a man in order to obey the Lord or to be a good steward of your life and temple.
So I hope that you guys hear my heart on this. I love you, and I’m praying for your joy and strength!
With nothing but love,